My 31
(and counting) Failed Attempts of Learning How to Love
2020 - 2021
Watercolor on paper, digital collage and poems
With dating APPs more popular than ever, our partner choices are readily available. This type of accessibility has changed people’s understandings toward the definition of committed relationships and indirectly — “what is love”. Not only so, Asian society has built an economy based on "couple culture”, introducing goods during particular holidays such as Valentines, Christmas and the Chinese Qixi to boast luxury sells. With commercial phrases like Danshen Gou (single dog) , we are in constant reminder that: Being single is undesirable.
In this highly personal body of work, the artist recalls all her “failed attempts” of romantic encounters. Diving into her memories, the artist listed everyone she had felt a genuine romantic connection with but failed to establish a committed relationship. The artist thus composed free verse poems to recall a specific scene during each encounter.
Collaged with digital objects and meshed with watercolors, the poems are hidden elusively in each piece, alluding to the intimate and private nature of the subject. Through this on-going autobiographical series, the artist not only raises questions about modern day love and intimacy, but also aims to break the stigma towards being single.
In this highly personal body of work, the artist recalls all her “failed attempts” of romantic encounters. Diving into her memories, the artist listed everyone she had felt a genuine romantic connection with but failed to establish a committed relationship. The artist thus composed free verse poems to recall a specific scene during each encounter.
Collaged with digital objects and meshed with watercolors, the poems are hidden elusively in each piece, alluding to the intimate and private nature of the subject. Through this on-going autobiographical series, the artist not only raises questions about modern day love and intimacy, but also aims to break the stigma towards being single.
ATTEMPT 1
smart looks and sharp eyes
as a boy of 10 years
your spoken words
reminds me of glossaries
Singaporean textbooks
proper vocabularies
shorter in height
but it not matter
for your confessions
were so sincere
so dear
stacks of notes
composed by you
handwritten, hand-painted
those nice wrinkled pages
in free reds, greens and blues
smart looks and sharp eyes
as a boy of 10 years
your spoken words
reminds me of glossaries
Singaporean textbooks
proper vocabularies
shorter in height
but it not matter
for your confessions
were so sincere
so dear
stacks of notes
composed by you
handwritten, hand-painted
those nice wrinkled pages
in free reds, greens and blues
i ask ms. daphne
the meaning of “agree”
for my english (and mind)
was too poor
to understand thee
“just make up your mind”
she says
beaming with glee
rush back home
to my set of fake tarots
my then obsessions
my made-up rules
an orange card meant “yes”
whilst a blue
meant “no”
orange-filled glee
for fourteen days
pieces of heartfelt letters
on my bed they lay
oh what fun
i thought
till blue casts
upon our child’s play
the meaning of “agree”
for my english (and mind)
was too poor
to understand thee
“just make up your mind”
she says
beaming with glee
rush back home
to my set of fake tarots
my then obsessions
my made-up rules
an orange card meant “yes”
whilst a blue
meant “no”
orange-filled glee
for fourteen days
pieces of heartfelt letters
on my bed they lay
oh what fun
i thought
till blue casts
upon our child’s play
some six years later
some other school
high above some stairs
surely i see you
same smart looks
cooler sharp eyes
surely I see you
but you do not I
some other school
high above some stairs
surely i see you
same smart looks
cooler sharp eyes
surely I see you
but you do not I
ATTEMPT 2
guess if you can
i said
as the bus took a turn
give me a letter
you said
quite taciturn
it starts with ‘y’
i said
as timothy got home
nobody i know
you said
quite lost you’ve shown
don’t give up yet
i said
as summertime’s sun sets
tell me already
you said
quite filled with stress
guess if you can
i said
as the bus took a turn
give me a letter
you said
quite taciturn
it starts with ‘y’
i said
as timothy got home
nobody i know
you said
quite lost you’ve shown
don’t give up yet
i said
as summertime’s sun sets
tell me already
you said
quite filled with stress
it’s simple, “you”!
i gleamed
as the bus pulls aside
toying with your curls
you beamed
quite speechless alright
time for a nap
i said
as the road roils like waves
hands beneath my head
you placed
despite mad heatwaves
Oh
you surely were
my chivalrous new fave
ATTEMPT 3.1
you chuckled like a horse
and galloped like one too
as you chased after the ball
on every wind-chilling field
kabble kabble
get out of my face
you yanked my waist-long hair
and groaned at the static
sparked between your fingertips
flickered across fluffy-coats
pachi pachi
get out of my face
you slit open the pouch
and consumed its contents
my leftover xin sauces
crimson powder down your throat
gobble gobble
now get out of my face
you spotted our new seats
and frowned at this set up
one reserved right next to you
(which I requested at will)
shuffle shuffle
get out of my face
you grinned like a monkey
and posed for the pictures
on our dull graduation
those awkward shows of talent
i waited by the restroom
well no silly, not for you
doki doki
doki doki
doki doki
doki doki
doki doki
doki doki
doki doki
doki doki
doki doki
doki doki
“Xxxxx” i
dashed down the corridors
through the doubtful stares
i’ll get out of your face
just watch me, prance away
you chuckled like a horse
and galloped like one too
as you chased after the ball
on every wind-chilling field
kabble kabble
get out of my face
you yanked my waist-long hair
and groaned at the static
sparked between your fingertips
flickered across fluffy-coats
pachi pachi
get out of my face
you slit open the pouch
and consumed its contents
my leftover xin sauces
crimson powder down your throat
gobble gobble
now get out of my face
you spotted our new seats
and frowned at this set up
one reserved right next to you
(which I requested at will)
shuffle shuffle
get out of my face
you grinned like a monkey
and posed for the pictures
on our dull graduation
those awkward shows of talent
i waited by the restroom
well no silly, not for you
doki doki
doki doki
doki doki
doki doki
doki doki
doki doki
doki doki
doki doki
doki doki
doki doki
“Xxxxx” i
dashed down the corridors
through the doubtful stares
i’ll get out of your face
just watch me, prance away